The Lincoln County, MO Drug Task Force arrested a pirate.

When arrested he begged to walk the plank, he decorated a pontoon to sell drugs from. Which he required customers to say, “Ahoy matey, I come to purchase ye party favors.”

His nickname was Red Beard.

KING SHIT FR

When I was little I wanted to be Italian REALLT badly bc I loved the movie cars and specifically had a crush on this fucking THING

Which doesn’t speak English at all, all it’s line are in Italian and it’s name is GUIDO. And everyone knew I was obsessed with Italy in elementary school but they didn’t know why bc I, even as a young autistic child, had the sense to know this was a rightfully so, highly mockable thing. So I would read about cars on IMDB and then one day someone posted a crackfic on the message boards there and it was about this guy getting drunk and beating his wife, and it snapped me out of my fugue long enough to realize how absurd wanting to be Italian was, but then it made me cry really hard and my parents were like ‘hey what the fuck’ and I didn’t have the chutzpah to admit anything so I told them I saw a naked lady online and then they went into the computer and found all the weird south park midi songs I downloaded on lime wire and I thought they were literally going to kill me for about two weeks.

The reason I was downloading South Park episodes and songs on limewire and frostwire was because I was also obsessed with Kenny McCormick and for school we had to make a shitty little website about a world issue, so I found this free platform that doesn’t exist anymore but it was like a horrible little wix site from the mid aughts, and we based my groups theme on global warming. But when we were done with it I repurposed it as a perosnal site and lied about being a voluptuous blonde 19 year old woman who worked at a fictitious restaurant called the lunchbox, and I just wrote about how obsessed I was with Kenny McCormick and my sister found it and was like what the fuck is wrong with you. But she never told my parents. She also found this 80 page story I was writing about buddy the elf and all my weird skater ocs breaking into the moulin rouge, and at one point I was sick of buddy so I had a herd of buffalo trample him in the middle of a city and it was very tragic but jarring and unexpected. And she referenced a part of the story to me and it made me SO fucking paranoid that I wiped our entire, family shared packard bell computer and got in huge fucking trouble for it.

holka, jsem na tolika spektrech, že kdybych měl za každý z nich korunu, měl bych přesně sedm korun, a to už je dost na takovou tu velkou kulatou žvejkačku z automatu, co sjede dolu po tobogánu a ty musíš dát ruku k těm kovovým dvířkům na konci, protože jinak vyletí ven a skončí na podlaze, protože ty kovový dvířka jsou vždycky hrozně jalově udělaný a tu rozjetou žvejkačku nezarazej, a když tam tu ruku nedáš, tak máš bakteriální podlažní smutek a ne žvejkačku, no a prostě snažim se říct, že bych si rád pučil pět korun na žvejkačku, pls, ta první mi spadla na podlahu a jsem velmi chudý

Walkman effect

Massive List of Thousands of Free Certificates and Badges | Resources ✨

Did I share this already? Doesn't hurt to share this again hehe but oh my goodness me! 😖💗 Huge huge list of free certificates you can look at and see ones you want to do!

Certificates from Google, LinkedIn Learning, Microsoft, Harvard, Standford, Open University, FreeCodeCamp, Digital Marketing and FutureLearn and more! [LINK]

Link to the full list: LINK

Doorway to Dreams

WWDITS;; 3.10 II 5.05

I wish I was taller. I wish I was a baller. I wish my cat had a phone I would call her.

i don't want to grow up i don't want to grow up i don't want to grow up

mary maclane i await the devil's coming \\ @\blaineunderstudy on tiktok \\ virgina woolf the diary of virginia woolf vol. 3: "11 july 1927" (via @hungryfictions) \\ goretzkas-moved-deactivated2023 \\ amy hempel cloudland \\ @ashstfu \\ emil cioran a short history of decay \\ alida nugent \\ @havingrevelations \\ franz kafka the diaries of franz kafka, 1914-1923: "july 5, 1914" (via @dailykafka) \\ claudia rankine the end of the alphabet: "overview is a place" (via @feral-ballad) \\ john cage lecture on nothing \\ holly black the cruel prince (via @existential-celestial) \\ liana finck horizon \\ @sweatermuppet

buy my chai latte